Practical tips to support painful anniversaries

Image from Sandy Miller via Unsplash

Most of us hold painful memories marked by certain days of the yearly calendar.

Anniversaries of upsetting or sad events, like the loss of a loved one, a relationship ending, or any significantly painful or traumatic event, can bring a wave of unexpected emotions as we are reminded of what happened, which can bring fresh bouts of loss grief and trauma.

If you’re facing one of these difficult anniversaries, here are a few gentle, practical ways you can consider marking the day with self care and intention.

Acknowledge the Date

Trying to ignore the anniversary may seem easier, but it often adds to the emotional weight. Instead, allow yourself to acknowledge the significance of the day. This might mean saying it aloud, writing it in a journal, or telling a trusted friend or family member: “Today is a hard day.”

Create a simple ritual

Rituals give shape to and can honour our emotions and potentially offer a sense of grounding or relief. You might light a candle, take a walk to a meaningful place, or listen to music that brings comfort or connection. The act doesn’t need to be elaborate—what matters is its personal significance. Some ritual ideas based on the type of event you might be marking are shared below. 

Write a letter (to keep or not)

Writing a letter to the person you lost, to your past self, to the pain itself or even to the person you have become as a result can be a powerful way to express emotions that don’t always have a place in everyday life. You can keep the letter, burn it, bury it, or simply read it and move on—whatever feels right.

Set your boundaries for the day

Give yourself permission to say no to plans or to reduce your workload. If possible, plan a lighter day, with space for rest and reflection. Let others know you might need some quiet time, or ask for company if you prefer not to be alone.

Connect, if that feels right

Some find comfort in connecting with others who care about you and want to understand. This could mean spending time with family or friends, joining a support group, or sharing a post online. You don’t have to navigate the day in isolation.

Do something kind in their honour (or yours)

Acts of kindness can be a meaningful way to redirect grief or pain. Volunteer, donate, or simply do something small and thoughtful—whether it’s for someone else or for yourself. It’s a gentle reminder that healing goes hand in hand with compassion.

Check In with yourself

Anniversaries can stir up old wounds or bring surprising new feelings. Take time to check in with your emotional and physical state. Journaling, meditating, or even just pausing for a deep breath can help you stay grounded.

Grief and healing aren’t linear, and there’s no right or wrong way to mark a difficult anniversary. The most important thing is to treat yourself with kindness and honesty. Even when the pain resurfaces, so can your resilience—and with it, a sense of peace.

If you are looking for some ideas for rituals that might help mark particular types of events, and support your healing, these might help:

Loss of a Loved One

• Light a candle at the same time each year or more often, perhaps accompanied by a moment of silence or reflection.

• Create or revisit a box of mementos—photos, cards or small items that connect you to your person. Add something new each year if it feels right.

• Cook or share your loved one’s favorite meal, either alone or with others who knew them

  
  

End of a Relationship

• Letting Go Ceremony: Write down what you’re releasing (e.g., pain, guilt, longing) and burn, bury, or tear up the paper in a symbolic act of moving forward.

• New Commitment: Use the date to renew a commitment to yourself—whether it’s through a self-care promise, a new journal entry, or a walk in nature.

Trauma or Abuse

• Safe Space Ritual: Light a candle or use essential oils to create a sensory ritual that reinforces your safety now. Repeat affirmations like “I survived” or “I am safe now.”

• Reclaim the Day: If the date is particularly triggering, consider doing something powerful or joyful that contradicts the original event—a hike, a gathering with trusted friends, or a small act of defiance like writing yourself a love letter.

General Grief or Unnamed Loss

• Stone Ritual: Find a small stone or object that represents your grief. Hold it during meditation, then place it in a special spot or release it into water.

• Sky Ritual: Watch the sunrise or sunset and use the shift in light as a metaphor for the passing of pain, hope, or memory.

• Sound Ritual: Use a bell, chime, or singing bowl to mark the beginning and end of your reflection time.

Each ritual can be as simple or elaborate as you want—there’s no “correct” way to honour pain. And there is no time limit on grief.

Until next time,

The PLS team